100 Years

I often think and day dream about the rest of our lives. They are always, always happy thoughts about how things will be, etc. But then, I got to thinking.



100 years.



That just doesn't seem like that long. And every day that slips by, is one day less that I have left with you. I cherish every moment I have with you.

100 years.

Babe... that's scary. I mean, yeah I know that we'll have eternity in heaven, but only 10 decades on earth together. There are just so many things, so much time that I want to spend with you. And we obviously, can't spend every single second together, all the time. I just feel like the next 100 years are going to fly by so quickly. Already these past two years seem to have gone so fast.

I just... have a feeling that the next 100 years are going to go faster than we think. And I want to make the absolute best of every thing! Let's do stuff... let's make as many memories as we can... let's get into the kind of trouble that we'll never tell our kids about... let's just make fast, crazy decisions and worry about the consequences later... let's have fun now and sleep when we're dead...

100 years, will never be enough for me, I can promise you that. But until that horrible day, lets just live like we're dieing. I don't want to have any regrets when I'm 96 and in a wheel chair. Of course... you'll be sitting right beside me in your own wheel chair. Hell, even then I hope we still race to the kitchen and wrestle for the TV remote, ha.

Just promise me that the next 100 years will be the best of our lives...
I promise you, baby.

I love you for the next 100 year, and forever after.

Illegally Kissed.

I like it when you kiss me. I especially love it when you kiss me in a way that should be illegal. Probably too much. I swear, in the moments after that kiss, you could make me agree to anything. Anything at all. I get lost in you sometimes. The rest of the world kind of drifts away, and nothing fills my head but the thoughts of me and you. I think I'm happiest then. When nothing interupts those perfect moments. When I'm thinking of nothing except how to get closer to you.

I like it when you smile at me. I especially love it when you smile at me sideways with that grin. Oh, you know what grin I'm talking about. When one side of your mouth is pulled up so much higher than the other and your dimples crease. But along with that grin comes the smile in your eyes. I watch you, when you smile my favorite smile. Your face only folds that way when something has touched your heart.

I'm telling you Joshua, some things about you should be absolutely illicit. The things you do can make me feel like I'm handicapped.I'm just dumbfounded. Sometimes I can't move. I'm a goofball when you get to me. You make me feel like luckiest girl in the world. I can almost bet money on the fact, that nobody has been happier than I am now, right at this moment, as I sit in my room and thank God for my blessings. You are my biggest blessing.

You're so good to me, you make me bad baby.
Like, I said so many things you say, so many things you do, all the ways you make me feel, should be illegal. It should be against the law for me to be so happy. Its just not fair to the rest of the world.

Smitten by Perfection.

You are exquisite, babe. You're timeless. You are unhumanly beautiful. Sometimes, you blow my mind. Actually, you blow my mind every second of every day. But there are those moments, when I swear, my heart skips a beat and I can't breathe. Sometimes, it's when your lips curl up on one side and give your single, breathless chuckle. The way you look when you give me that face, its like you're saying 'oh, amanda. what am I going to do with you?' I like the feeling I get in the pit of my stomach when see that grin. And it never fails, even thinking about it, makes me breathe a little bit faster.

You are brilliantly handsome. You have no flaws... anywhere. I wake up every day, and ask myself, what have i done to deserve this good luck? why am i so blessed? i don't deserve everything that I have, but sure am glad that I have it. I think that may blow my mind most of all. Sometimes, your mouth doesn't even have to turn into a full-grown smile. Probably my second favorite expression that you have is when your lips barely even flinch. there is just the slightest smile played across your face, but boy, do your eyes ever shine. You showed me what it meant to smile with your eyes. You don't even know you do it, I can read a million words in your eyes when you look at me like that. It paralyzes me momentarily. This face is the most beautiful sight I've ever seen. I like to think, that when your eyes are saying a thousand things, the most prominent thought on your side of those eyes are 'I can't believe you're mine.' Because that's exactly what I'm thinking, when you so unfairly unleash your emotions like that. I'm telling you, you just shimmer and glow, from the inside out. Thats when I feel the closest to you. I feel like I can see straight to your heart for those few short seconds.

You are perfect, in every way. Maybe I'm jealous, of the way you're so effortlessly gorgeous, all the time. This entire thing probably sounds so silly to you as you read it, me talking about eyes smiling and whatnot. I only hope that maybe you see the same things in me, that somehow you know how to get lost in my smiles, and are able to read the words on my heart. i know i sound ridiculous, but... sigh... someday, you'll know just how I love you. And how I take in every little thing about you. How your raw emotions melt me into goo and turn my legs to green jello. I am absolutley 100% intoxicated with you, and don't I act like it too?ha But seriously, you make me feel like I'm finally living out my wildest dreams; of spending all of my time with, all of my thoughts of, my like full of- nothing but the man I am completely infatuated with. I am in love with you joshua, down to your very being. I love every inch of your soul, and can feel every beat of your heart. I LOVE living on love.

Just know... that you are my world. In every aspect. If you were to ever, ever, ever let anything happen to you, I don't know what I would do. My life would be empty, hollow, and hopeless.

Your smiles and your eyes... oh I thank Godevery night for those two passage ways into your heart.

I will show you. You will know, how much I love you. I will still be trying when we're 98 years old. My emotions for you are so great, that these words that I've written do no justice. I will have to show you in ways that words can't describe. You'll have to read me by my smiles and my eyes, and all the ways I try to show you that I love you, with ever fiber of my being.

I love you.

I am so smitten by you, it is ridiculous Joshua. And I will always be smitten by you. For as long as we both shall live. And ever after.

let me be the one to tell you;

let me be the one to tell you;

your warm whispers, out of the dark, they carry my heart
the embrace into your arms, feeling like home, it holds me together

let me be the one to tell you;

your hands, reaching out towards mine, they clutch my world
the touch of your skin, at that moment, says you'll catch me 'ever i fall

let me be the one to tell you;

your bottomless heart, in all it's corners, cradle my secrets
the sight of belief, so true in your eyes, makes me believe

let me be the one to tell you;

your caressing kisses, on the nape of my neck, they set free my worries
the sound of your heart, so perfect with beat, keeps my life in rhythym

let me be the one to tell you;

your absolute existence, in my life, it gives me a purpose
the taste of promise, on your tongue, assures me every day

let me be the one to tell you.


Dedicated to Joshua Liles, my love.
Amanda Baker, 2009

Wishes do come true.

My wish was you, baby.

For Christmas, my mom gave a sterling silver ring. Engraved on it, is "Wishes Do Come True." She's always to reach for the stars & to never settle. I think she knew that I always prayed & wished for you. Boy, did I ever wish for you. I used to pray sitting on my knees, eyes clinched together, begging God to send me the person I would spend the rest of my life; for one thing in my life that I could consider constant, always there, and all mine. When we were little, Kate & I, we would stay at my Grandpa Bob & Grandma Leora's house. She would always come in and remind us to say our prayers. & I would never forget to wish for you. I used to pray for a marriage like my great-grandparents. They could be madder than a wet hen one minute, and the next they'd have already made up. They drove eachother crazy, absolutely crazy. But they were even crazier about eachother. I love them, & I miss them. I used to pray for someone that would always listen to every single word I said, no matter how stupid. I prayed for someone that would hold my hand under the table at dinner. I used to wish that once I found what God was sending me, that I wouldn't do anything to drive them away. I used to hope that I would find the love of my life young, so that I would get to spend as much of my life as possible with him. I used to wish for the one other person in the world that understood me, that could have an entire conversation with me, without speaking, but just by my looks. I used to wish for someone who loved me just the way I was, that couldn't find one flaw in my personality, and not a mark wrong with my body. I used to wish with all my might that I would find you soon. I got to know you better & better, and I slowly started to fall for you smooth talking, your drop-dead gorgeous looks, your perfect personality, and most of all, I fell for your heart; every piece of it.

I'm so happy that my wish did come true. You are my biggest blessing. You are my answered prayer. You're the Bob to my Leora. I think I understand why my mother decided to buy the ring with this engraving on it. I think it's because even though I said all of those prayers silently, and even though I kept all my wishes to myself, she could tell that you are my wish come true. I think that everyone can tell that you were my wish. That's why I wear my silver ring on my left-ring finger. I've saved that finger my entire life for the boy I was going to spend the rest of my life with. And what better ring to wear on that finger than the one that tells the whole world that my life has been perfect since you've walked into it. A ring, that to other people, might seem to be a reasurrance or hopeful statement, but to me and you, it means that my life has been complete since I've found you. That if my biggest wish has come true, there's hope for my other wishes too. Ones that all include you. A wish for a family, a career I love, a warm home, church on Sundays, and a life that I can share with my children, to prove to them that wishes do come true.

Someday, another ring will replace my silver ring. And that ring won't have to carry any letters or messages, because it will hold all of our love, and we know that there are no words to measure that.

I love you, and you will always be my biggest & greatest wish-come-true. Thank you, Joshua, for showing me that wishes do come true. I'm reminded of it, everytime I put on my ring, everytime I read the words, everytime I look into eyes, and everytime I hear your heart beat.

This much....

Baby, I love you. This much....

Baby, I miss you. This much....

Baby, I need you. This much....

Baby, I want you. This much....

Baby, you're this much.... to me.

Of course, this much is size unmeasurable. There aren't words in the English language to describe my feelings. So maybe, some day, I'll write my own language, just to show you what you mean to me.

I love you. I think about you all the time.
Don't ever think anything else.

The Bill

I'm sorry that sometimes I lose my mind. How sometimes little things that normally don't bother me, just throw me off the deep end. It's like you always say, for 3 weeks out of the month, God gives you the most precious creature on earth, then the 4th week, the bill comes. I know that you think I can help it, that I should be able to control my moods and my feelings, but the truth is I can't. I can handle them after the fact and apologize. But when something hurts me, there's no stopping it. I'm so sorry that I'm monster. Imagine, having an absolute horrible day, and you drop a million things, stub your toe 7 times, people won't leave you alone, your body is exausted, and it just seems like nothing is going right. That what my days are like for 7+ days in a row. It gets to you. It makes you want to curl into a ball and hibernate for a week. You want to block out the rest of the world, until you're back to yourself again. I don't want to hurt you. I never do, and you know that baby. And I wish that PMS & PMDD would just go away. No one needs it. I know its still hard for you to understand, & you may think you that DO understand babe, but I just don't think that you'll ever fully get it. i know that you try to understand though, and thank you :) I just really want you to understand that even though it seems like that one week out of the month isn't worth the other three, just keep remembering that I'm trying to control something that's not up up to me. You're my babyboo. & I love you so so so much. And I know that you don't deserve me as a monster. But I'm getting better love, i promise. I admit when i'm being irrational and everything.

Joshua, you're my everything. I take you forever. For better or for worse. For sick or health. You'll take me won't you?